Really, a week ago I was looking forward to the big celebration, the end of this and the start of a brand new year. Unfortunately the last few days sucked. Not because of the visitors, definitely not, but because there’s something wrong. It started when the person who always keeps me going left me last Thursday. Not left as in abandon, but left as in went home. But soon afterwards I felt emptiness, as if something had been lost… I didn’t have much time to think about it because another friend would arrive the next day.
A long lost friend, naaaah, not that long, I had visited her last march. When we met at the station it all felt good, we had a great time talking, discussing life as it had been and is atm. But after an hour or two at my place I felt friction. She insisted on showing me youtube vids about stuff that really doesn’t mean a thing to me, popular culture stuff and such. Hundreds of vids titled ‘ me singing’. Can’t we just stop that crappy ‘me singing’ shit? Come on, every hype is supposed to go away after a while, not grow bigger and bigger over time with no end in sight. To provide the necessary change I showed her the original Charlie vid and the make-over done by thehill88. I kept watching her vids, silently, but managed to make it through. She on the other hand made clear she didn’t like any of those, so I stopped them…
After preparing and eating dinner, something she did like, we went shopping, with just an hour left. She bought a few things here and there and I managed to recommend a movie, she wanted to buy lesbian themed movies. So I came up with Fucking Amal, not a complicated story, just two or three story lines, some simple characters, a pleasant movie to watch without doing too much thinking. Back home we watched it and we both enjoyed the movie 
After which we prepared to go out. I told her I usually leave at half past eleven because nightlife starts late. But she insisted on leaving early to just get a drink. So we left at half past ten and entered my club which was empty. She had called a friend, who also lives in Gouda, to meet us there and chat a little. The little chat turned out to be only drinking three beers together, seeing the club fill with a few dozen people, and empty again as soon as midnight was approaching. We decided to leave as well, but not to my place.
The beer started doing its job, and I gave in too early when her friend insisted on going to his home to enjoy the night some more. At first I hesitated to go because we had to walk a 30+min walk. But eventually I gave in and we started walking to his place. We had a good time there, but it’s not like I would have missed anything if we hadn’t gone there. The only thing we missed was sleep, lots of it. We were supposed to get up at 10am, but got to bed late, real late. The last time I checked my clock told me 6am…… After bringing her to the station, saying goodbye etc, I felt like I kept sleeping the whole Saturday. But I had to go to town just once, to buy a new belt. I somehow ripped my old one :S Ah well, didn’t know what I was doing when pulling on the thing, instead of trying to find out where it was jammed….
After fixing a new belt I went, and stayed home doing nothing. Not going out that eve, feeling tired, but also, well, not ok. That feeling continued Sunday and today as well. It feels a little like the flu, but it’s not quite the flu. I really don’t know what it is, but I feel bad. I promised to go to a bar tonight to serve food between 2 and 3 am on Jan 1st. I have to go because I promised, I always keep those. Too bad I’ve just heard the people I like best are staying home, with their families, so it will be just me and, me…. The reason I offered to work for an hour was to get there that night, because it was sold out. Work for an hour=get in for free. Now I’ll be in there, but not with the people I want to be with…
I surely hope the evening itself will turn out better. I’ll be with two friends, eating and playing games, with a third friend joining us later tonight. But he managed to piss me off, nah that sounds too aggressive, he managed to get me disappointed in both him and myself by commenting on my hyves (social networking for those who don’t know) as if I were a kid. I hope he didn’t put in smilies because he doesn’t know how. When he didn’t put them there because he meant what he was saying, this new years eve might be a bad one, one as bad as, as never before.
Or maybe I’m just overreacting, being a little too sensitive because I don’t feel well. But why don’t I feel well? Is it because of loneliness, because that good friend from before has changed so much we don’t share the same interests? Is it because I’ve put in a lot of energy to be at the club tonight with no one of my friends being there even though they did make it clear, a little, they would be there? It’s not as if I’ll be all alone, but I’ll definitely be missing some people. Ah well, happy new year to all you guys out there. Signing out from wordpress for this year, all I can do is hope that things will turn out a little bit better then now.
