Huh, what? What hunt, hunting what? Apparently, me. Ever since the partyseason started, for me that is, there ’s been coming more and more attention. Not just lame, one night stuff, but serious interest, in me! And right now there’s a lot going on, or a lot of things that can be. Today I even got texted by a friend she knows someone who probably likes me, and I’d like her too. Well, I’m not sure if she’s talking about someone else. Anyway, that’s just the whole problem nowadays. I’m kind of outgoing, but whenever it comes to this I’m the first to back down, have done so for years now. But there comes a time when one must make decisions (growing up?) and needs to step away from the Peter Pan Syndrome. Socially I’m quite skilled, but when it comes to making the final move I back down, hoping someone else will take control of the situation.
Unfortunately, this hasn’t happened for the past many years. Thus I ended up with a lot of female friends, but no girlfriends or serious relation (there was something, but that can’t be called anything, too short and well, nah, forget about it). But now there is that nasty time to make decisions. Why can’t you just have feelings for more then one, because currently, I think I do. But, my luck, I cannot ‘read’ those women, leaving me guessing whether it’s a friend-friend relation, or a ‘friend-friend with some potential’ relationship. Darn, if only people said what they felt instead of politically correct behaviour (including me), respecting eachother as friends etc. Sometimes it makes me think as if having a different sex friendship is just a trend, a hype, something which has started in the sixties and seventies and was some total politically correct thing.
What if respecting eachother and being friends leaves no room for the thing everyone is after? No, not a relationship, that’s a politically correct thing too. What I mean is just plain reproduction, a short, but intimate, relationship. No guys, I’m not somesort of conservative dude, just trying to think about this, and typing whatever comes to my mind. Where was I? Oh yeah, what if all those animal instincts are surpressed now and stop surpressing humankind as a whole? We all think supressing those instincts is a good thing. We are able to rationalize our world, to not only think about ourselves and, yes, to respect eachother as civilized people.
But what, what if everyone came to respect eachother so much they just can’t express those feelings, because it would either ruin a good friendship, something which is quite valuable nowadays, or because it would mean acting incorrect/abusing the friendship you’ve built up just to your advantage? Because that’s the whole point. Friendship requires two people, and thus the combined effeort of those two people to make the friendship work. When one of those two has feelings for the other and expresses them, he or she can destroy the friendship and thus disregard, or waste, all energy put into the friendship by the other. Resulting in something which might be regarded by the other, or even society, as betrayal, or abuse of a friendship. This scheme can of course also be applied to the workfloor, replacing friend with colleague (or even boss/manager).
So, is the only accepted way to start a relationship going on a date with a (near) complete stranger? At least there’s nothing to destroy, but there’s also not much to build on. Sure, you might like eachothers appearence, wearing classy clothes, nice make-up etc. But afterwards? What happens after the third or fourth date, or after you start planning to live together? All of a sudden you know each other, and there’s nothing left to talk about. No things that really keep you going as a couple. It’s not as shiny new as it was when you first started, and now you’ve both done your exploring and know each other, and you’re ready to move on. Or worse, you learn about the dark side of the other, no problem, but what if there’s nothing to compensate, no true feelings for the other? You can love someone because, but you can also love someone though, or in spite of. But is that true love, or any of those? Does true love even exist? And why am I talking about true love, I haven’t even given the start of a relationship good thought.
Ah well, let me start thinking some more, in private this time.
